parkplace's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *I Am Alone In My Defeat* Listening To: At your funeral by Saves The Day Also Listening To: Screaming Infidelities I hate my fucking brother so fucking much. i FUCKING HATE HIM HATE HATE HIM HATE HATE HATE HATE HIM. Why can't he just be a normal brother and be nice. I don't want to talk about him because he doesn't deserve the dignity to be talked about. Actually, I am just saying that because i have other things on my mind. But the first thing I said is also true... Anyhoo, Saves the day and Dashboard Confessional make me so depressed. I broke up with Hollie today after a relationship since November. It was unfiar for her because I could never see her. I think the move was right though, even though I'm sad about it. I *Nothing to cushin your heart let it fall*
I can't take this whole concept of life and how to live. It just must have flown right past me...like every other joke or insult. *I wish I knew you were saftley at home* I don't get it. Why can't life just be like "Hey Parker! I'll be a little easier on you because I know I have thrown you some curve balls and quite frankly, you didn't catch them! Oh no wait, I can't be easier on you, Sorry!!! Bu-Bye now." *And I'm thinking awful things, pretty sure that you would notice* Ohhhhhh you silly Dashboard Confessional. You make me feel so fucking happy! I can plant DAISES I AM SO HAPPY! YOU SEE THAT SMILE ON MY FACE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL! OH WAIT? YOU DON'T? TAKE THE HINT THEN, OKAY? I'M AS RIGHT AS RAIN!! I WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME TO THANK YOU DASHBAORD CONFESSIONAL FOR MAKING ME SO *and I am alone in my defeat I wish I knew you were safetly at home* Fuck life so much. I wish for gods sake that I would want the people that I love to grieve for me when I die, because I want them to feel sorry for me becuase I DO HAVE PROBLEMS!! FUCK YOU ALL!! FUCK YOU ALL! I AM A SELFISH BASTARD I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME. FUCK NOW I CRY FUCK NO!! TEARS WONT DO ANYTHING PARKER, TEARS WONT TO SHIT YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! *breath in for luck breath in so deep* I AM AMAZED THAT THE GUY WHO IS DASHBAORD CONFESSIONAL ISN'T DEAD FROM COMMITING SUICIDE. HOW CAN HE STILL BE LIVING!! HE MADE THE SONG S THAT MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF!! AND THE WORST PART ABOUT THIS DEPRESSION IS THAT I COULD NEVER KILL MYSELF BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE MAINSTREAM WAY TO KILL MYSELF IS SOMEHOW APART OF MY PHOBIAS! I CAN'T CUT MYSLEF BECUASE I CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT MY VIENS. I CAN'T HANG MYSELF BECAUSE I SQUIRM WHEN SOMTHING THOUCHES MY NECK! I CAN'T OVERDOSE ON A DRUG BECUASE I WOULD BE TOO AFRAD TOO AND I WOUL HURT LIKE SHIT! I CAN'T DROWN MYSELF BECAUSE THAT IS ONE OF MY WORST FEARS!! AND I BET YOU THAT IN THE MORNING I WILL FEEL FINE ABOUT MY LIFE AND FORGET ABOUT FEELING LIKE SHIT!! I MUCH HAVE THIS SOME TYPE OF DEPRESSION THAT COMES AT RANDOM PERIODS! PREFERABLY WHEN I AM LISTENING TO EMO MUSIC! VOTE YES FOR LIFE PEOPLE!!! ACTUALLY DON'T BECAUSE LIFE SUCKS AND I FUCKING HATE IT!! WOOHOO LIFE IS SO MUCH FUCKING FUN. I LIKE TO PICTURE MYSELF DEAD AND EVERYONE FUCKING GREIVING FOR ME BECAUSE THEN THEY WILL CARE ABOUT ME! FUCK FUCK FUCKING HATE CRYING!! NOOOOO FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! *breathing is a foreign task and think's just too much to ask* I just want to die alone and no one find me.... 10:40 p.m. - 03-23-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||