parkplace's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's To Dying In Anothers Arms Oh Why I Had To Try It... Listening To: Konstantine by Somthing Corporate I am so fucking depressed right now. It's deserted outside right now and my life feels like it's crawling and I can't take this overwhelming sadness anymore. I should just kill myself. I know i'll never kill myself, I just wish I could have the courage to do it because I just can't take all these unanswered questions I keep asking myself. Life is the most depressing thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Oh god do I fucking hate my life right now. It's so dark outside and I just can't take hearing a car drive by. Ths night shows so much confustion and emotion and I just can't takes this ANYMORE!!!!!!! I should just overdose on somthing. I know I can't though. I'm a wimp, I could never do that to my family and my friends at all. I would never. I just thrive at the thought though. I love wraping myslef in my blanket and looking out into the night sky and just stare out at the ocean and cry for no reason. I love it so much. I live for it and I don't give a shit if anyone of you think this is stupid of retarded. This is my diary and I don't give a flying shit what you think. Go ahead, talk about how cheesy it is and how retarded it is. You know I wouldn't do that to you. Oh no wait...I would. Just to get you back... Oh I fucking hate lfie right now. I just feel like there is nothing worth live for anymoer. I am jst going to grow upa nd get a job and my life would be even more boring then it is right now. It fucking sucks. I want a girlfriend. I want to talk to her and then kiss her and I would mean it and I would love it just like looking out at the ocean at 3:00 in the morning. I would such a great boyfriend and I would have such a wonderful girlfriend and we would love eachother beyond belief. I want that so much. I want to talk to her when I feel like crying. I want to reminise with her and just look at her and know that I love that person. I want to go talk to my mom and look at her and hug her and I love her so much. I miss her so much. So fucking much. Oh god do I love her so fucking much. I would die for her on anyday. She says the same and thats our silent tredy. I don't kill myself if she doesn't kill herself. I just want somone to talk to right now and I long for that so much and I don't have anyone at all and I WANT THAT SO MUCH. WHY GOD! WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT! WHY CAN'T I BE STRONG! WHY DO I HAVE TO CRY! WHY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!! OH I FUCKING HATE LIFE. I want to kill myself so much. And I know I am just saying that becasue I am in the mood and that I could never kill myself but I want to. I want the attention. I want people to finally notice that I care for them and that I was a good person. I don't want to be walked all over. I don't want to be taken for granted or insulted. I want people to remember me as such a nice person and such a compassionate kid. Am I not a good friend. Why can't I have people care about me? Why can't I have that? Why can't I have that friend!!!!!!!!??? I am sorry for doing anything annoying of mean to anyone who reads this and I am sorry but this is my plea. I am begging for all of you to please really think about every single thing I have done for you and think about every single time I have tried to bring your spirits up and think about how many times I have tried to help you out in any way/shape/form. I just want all of you to understand all the shit I have done for you guys. Yes, I do mess up at times, but I try. I try so hard. I am a good friend. I ama good person. I just want you all to climb into my skin and walk around in it. I just need to go to sleep tonight and stop listening to emo... After I look at the ocean... 11:48 p.m. - 06-09-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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