parkplace's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Because We All Need A Little More Room To Live Listening To: Konstantine by Somthing Corporate Oh just fuck life. I fucking hate all this fucking stupid exagerated shit my family does. It is not needed at all. I don't need to be grounded for not calling my father. I don't need to be grounded because I know what I did wrong and I know that I am going to change it, so why do I need to be punished. I have already learned my lesson. Oh I fucking hate this whole life. And every single fucking thing I hate about life stems from one tiny word that can fucking tear a person apart. Why. Why do I have to be dramatic? Why the fuck do I get this personality and this emotional traits? Why me? It is so fucking hard for me to just be truthful with myself because I have made the world a stage in which I preform on. I have been being somone else for so fucking long that I am psychologically tricking myself into all these things. I just have trained myself for so long to preform in front of people that I been also preforming for myself and I didn't even know it. I wish I could just have an interesting life. I want to be in a band and I want to sing in a band and I want to skateboard and snowboard. Those are the things I want to do in my life and I would love to persue those things as a career. But inside I fucking know that it's all just a dream. A dream so far away. I could never be who I would want to be. I want to honestly learn how to skateboard really well and become a professional. I have only been skateboarding now for about a month. All I want in life is to really and truly know that I didn't waste it away. I don't want to grow up and notice that I could have done so much for my life and actually be somone. Be a household name. I don't want to waste my life away. And I know that if I just sit on my fucking ass and whine about wasting my life, then my life will waste away. But I know that that will happen because I don't have that determination 'cause I am a fucking loser. A fucking asshole. A wimp. I am such a fucking wimp and I want to be that awsome skateboarder or that wicked snowboarder that people look up to and they want to be me. They actually look to me and say "I wish I could be him more than anything in the whole world." I don't want to be asking people if they want fries with that when I know I could be frying in the sun in Hawaii while I skate a halfpipe. I'm at that point in which there are so many roads I can chose and I know that if I take the wrong path and don't get to the destination I could have gone, I am going to regret it forever. I guess I am so fucking worried about the future that I forgot about today... 11:40 p.m. - 06-19-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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