parkplace's Diaryland Diary

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You Lose Automatically

Listening To: Oceans Over Seas by LetterDay

I had my second preformance today. I fucked up on a line. I was supposed to say "It's up to us to find a way" and I said "It's us to us to find a way!"

I am really cool.

Well, after the preformance, I met up with Ben and Chuck and Heather and Kendra and Sarah at Chucks house. I had to take a shower because of the fucking silver face paint.

At this point, I am just embracing the silver face paint. I dont when it get's all over my cloths and keyboard and back pack and room and hair and eyes! I love silver now! Yayayayayayayay!!!

I fucking hate being the Tin-Man somtimes...

Well, at Chuck's, It seemed like I made a slight fool out of myself because whenever I made a joke and shit, it seemed like everyone was turning their heads to eachother with that-look-on-thier-face that says "What the fuck is this kid doing?" I dont know. But, I talked to Sarah and shit about it and she was like "no way, you weren't annoying at all!" I trust her on it because I believe her. She and Heather and Kendra are good friends.

Speaking of Sarah, Ben and Sarah are going out now. At first, when I noticed them touching and shit, it really freaked me out becasue It looked so awkward for some reason. It's like they are friends, but they are flirting with eachother...alot...alot alot alot...

I didn't like it one bit at first. But then I thought to myself "hey, if they like eachother, thats great for them. They should go out and be happy. It shouldn't matter what my perspective is to their relationship, because I am (luckilly) not in the relationship." Once I though about it like that, they didn't look wierd when they touched.

But..I..still...can't...get...over...it...

Anyhoo, right now I am in one of those depressing movie-like moments right now. I think i'll stay up all night with this feeling of slight confusion and sadness. I'll just play into it. I'll just let this feeling control me like a morionette puppet tonight.

After all, I like to preform...

Here is a survey I took:

last cigarette: Don't smoke.
last car ride: Hannah drove me home
last kiss: Zurin
last good cry: hmmm...(wow, it amazes me that I actually have to think when was the last time I cried) Oh, yeah, this Mother's Day.
last library book checked out: Edwin Hubble: Pioneer Of Space (a school book for a science project. I checked it out May of last year and I brought it back somtime last month. Can you say Late Fees?)
last movie seen: Clue. Last Night with Ben, Mike, Chuck, Heather, Sarah, and Kendra. Gooooood Times.
last cuss word uttered: Shit
last beverage drank: Coca-Cola
last food consumed: Angel-Hair Spagetti
last crush: um...heather...
last phone call: my father asking him to a ride home from Marblehead
last tv show watched: Worlds Best Donut Shops (Hey, I was lonely!)
last time showered: This afternoon
last shoes worn: Heh, my navy blue High Tops.
last cd played: Emo is Evil, Emo is Awsome: A Deep Elm Records' Sampler
last item bought: I junoir roast beef
last annoyance: My Brother
last disappointment: That the river rave is not tonight
last soda drank: Coca-Cola
last im: from heather
last ice cream eaten: French Vanilla with rainbow jimmies
last time wanting to die: about a month ago
last time scolded: about a week ago
last shirt worn: A cool brown vintage shirt saying "lower east side" from Urban Outfitters (aka the most amazing store EVER)
last webpage visited: My friend Julia's Diary

.............................

Choose a band and answer only in song titles by that band: Oceans Over Seas...
Are you male or female? Male
Describe yourself: 15 years old, tall, brown hair, brown eyes, emo shirts and dark jeans.
How do some people feel about you? Funny, nice, dorky, outgoing...
How do you feel about yourself? And emotional guy who can prove anything if I dont messup in the process...
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Really nice, sweet girl named Hollie.
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend/crush: Really funny, cool, wonderful girl who can always cheer somone up. Even if it's when Ice is being spit out of her mouth and onto my face...
Describe what you want to be: One word: Famous.
Describe how you live: One Day at a time, hoping that change never comes by...
Describe how you love: I have never fell in love.
Share a few words of wisdom: Don't ever live your life just to show off and try to impress people. Be yourself NO MATTER WHAT. Believed me, I learned that the hard way...

12:16 a.m. - 05-19-03

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