parkplace's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emercency Rooms And I.C.U's Listening To: Another Wasted Night by Dashboard Confessional Words cannot describe what has occured today. The emotions I have felt and the images I have seen. Today has been by far the worst day I have ever experienced. My mom crashed her car into a tree this morning traveling to my Uncle's house. I was on the computer at around 1:30 when my father and Hannah rushed into the computer room. I thought I did somthing wrong because they were walking towards me very quickly and then my dad told me that my mother got into a car accident. I covered my hand over my mouth and started to scream that what he just said wasn't true. By that point, tears were running down my face and I was in shock. My dad advised me to get ready and get into the car because she was at Mass General Hospital (her inguries were too serious to be treated at the Newpuryport Hospital, so she had to be Air lifted to Mass General). I was getting my CD's and stuff, and hundreds of thoughts raced through my mind: How did she hit a tree? Was she laying in her car since last night? Are any of her limbs severed? Will she be able to remember me? Is she going to die? Is my mother going to die on me today, one month until my 16 Birthday? We got into the car and I was just crying and thinking that she is dead. That's all I could think about. I was talking to Julia about how I was so sad that Oscar died and I told her if if I was so sad to have my dog die, think about how sad I would be to have somone who is very close to me, like my mother, to die. In, the car I was just crying and crying. I would never want to have my mother die on me when I'm this young. I just cried and cried. I just kept think that this wasn't happening to me. We arrived at the Emergancy room at Mass General (by this time, I stopped crying). We went to the front desk and this social working lead my father, my brother, Hannah, Meaghan, and I into one of those conference rooms you see in those shows when they tell the family members that the person has died. I just started to break down again. I sat down and the social worker updated us on what happened to my mother: She hit a tree. She broke her knee and then she lacerated the front portion of her head. I just didn't know what to think. I didn't know if I should feel happy if she was alive, I didn't know if I should feel sick that she is in critical condition. I didn't know. I called my half brother and half sister, Justin and Amber. Amber was drunk so I just hung up the phone. And I just left the room and went to bathroom and broke down more than I have ever had in my life. It's was just too much to take right now. My mother is the one who I would talk to if I was crying like this, but this time, I'm crying because of her and just the thought of her in so much pain tore at my heart. After the doctors came in and told about how she needed to be operated on. We waited in the Gray Wing Waiting Room for several hours until she finally completed her Surgury. The social worker entered the room again and she told us that the doctors cleaned my mum up the best they could and I could see her now. I told everyone else to go in front of me because I wanted to write a note to her. As people started to enter in groups, I began writing whatever came to my mind and I kept ripping the paper because when the pencil wrote over tear, the paper ripped. I wrote at the end of the note that I miss her and that I'll be waiting to watch Forensic Fridays with her soon and I just broke down again and I couldn't take this. It was too much for me to handle. I agreed to see my mother and the social worker escorted me out of the room and directed me towards where my mothers bed was. I was crying and I was so scared. The social worker told me that she wouldn't be able to talk because of the fact that she has a couple of tubes down her throut at the moment to help her breathe (her lung where suspected of brusing also). I just was in so much shock I didn't really care what she looked like, I wanted to see her. The doors open and I look up. My mother, dressed in a blue medic apron, lyed on the medical bed. I come closer to she has these sutures that began that the top of her head and migrated digonally down to her left eyebrow. Her face was completely swollen and she was sedated at the moment. Two small, plastic tubes were stationed into my mouthers lungs and her eyes were surrounded by bright purple bruises an 1" thick. I was holding my tears back and I said "Hi mummy. It's me Parker-" and she opened her eyes half way and I swear she noticed me and I was just looking at her and I placed my finger in between her left hand and she just looked at me and squeezed my hand and I just started to cry and I look at her mouth and she mouthed the words "I love you." To see my mother, through all the pain and suffering she has endured today, try her hardest just to say I Love You was so fucking overwhelming for me. She mouthed "Parker." And I just started t cry. I said to be strong and then I told her that it was Solution Sundays tonight on court tv. We always watched Solutions Sundays on court tv when I am up at her house. It's like one of those things we do. I just couldn't take seeing my Mother like that. I broke down and I told her to be strong. I placed the note I wrote on her bed side and I ploded out of her sectioned-off area in the Intensive Care Unit. It's 3:19 in the morning right now and I can't sleep. My mum can't get out of my head and I am happy she is in stable condition right now. My mother doesn't deserve this. I'll be seeing her tomorrow and hopefully i'll be able to speak to her. I love her and I'll hopefully be able to sleep after writing this devistating day down in this diary. Sleep doesn't come to easy when your Mother is depending on an air tube to live. 2:42 a.m. - 03-21-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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